


The Big Q

by KaytheJay



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-18 16:22:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21780355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaytheJay/pseuds/KaytheJay
Summary: Dan and Phil work at a preschool but Phil finds himself jealous of the parents.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Kudos: 8





	The Big Q

Dan smiled at Phil as they walked into work. He adored his job. He loved all the little kids and everything that they would come up. He knew Phil adored it as much as he did. They really couldn’t lie. There was just something really special about working with people who had yet to experience the world like they had.  
An hour later, their students began arriving. There was little Hanna who had gotten so brave over the last few months. She used to cry every single time her mom left her there, but she was now more than happy to be at school, now that she had her friends and had gotten used to the teachers. And there was little Oliver who could talk your ear off if you’d let him. Dan just knew that they had the best jobs in the world.  
“Misser How,” one of Dan’s favorite (he hated admitting he had favorite students, but he did) students said as she ran up to him.  
“What is it Megs?” Dan said, squatting down so he could be at her level. It was something he had learned because he knew as a very tall adult, he could easily intimidate the children.  
“Look!” She said handing him a drawing. Her mother stood in the doorway smiling with pride. Dan nodded to acknowledge her before turning his attention back to Megan.  
“Oh look at that!” Dan said excitedly. “It is so pretty!”  
“Look!” She said again. “It’s you and Misser Phil and me!” She said jumping up and down. Dan’s heart melted.  
“What a good drawing of us,” he said. He handed it back but Megan shook her head.  
“No. For you and Misser Phil.”  
“Oh my goodness!” Dan said. “Thank you so much! I love it. Can I fold it and put it in my pocket?” Megan nodded, so Dan did just that.  
Little gifts like this from the kids were rare. Most of the time, they just wanted to give them to their parents rather than the teachers. Which was, of course, understandable. They were very little children. But they were always welcome. Dan and Phil had a few drawings hung up on the fridge at home from various drawings and coloring pages that they had been given by students over the years that they had worked at the preschool.  
When the students were being taught by the main teacher, a time that the rest of the teachers cleaned up and got ready for the next activity, Dan went to find Phil. Phil, as always, was hard at work. He loved his job as much as Dan loved it.  
“Look what Megan gave me,” Dan said, pulling the drawing out of his pocket. Phil looked at it and back at Dan. “It’s of us and her.”  
“Aww that’s so cute.” Phil said and looked away from Dan and went right back to work.  
“What’s the matter?” Dan asked. Phil shook his head.  
“Nothing, really.”  
“Don’t lie to me,” Dan whispered, getting back to work because some of the other teachers were starting to look at them. “I know that look. Something is bothering you.” Phil sighed.  
“I just-” Phil shook his head. “I love working with the kids, you know. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. They’re all just so amazing.” He looked at the pocket where Dan had slipped the drawing back in his pocket. “But I can’t help but to feel like we’re missing out. You know. We’ll never have kids that are biologically both of ours. A perfect combo of the two of us. I know, I know. Biology doesn’t mean anything, but I see all these parents who are pregnant and I feel like we’re missing out on an opportunity. We’re both men so obviously there is no getting pregnant for us.”  
“But if we ever have kids in any way, they’re still ours,” Dan said. Phil nodded.  
“I know. But I feel like there’s a sort of magic to pregnancy that we’ll never fully get. Because if we did go the biological route, we’d have to do the surrogate way. I don’t know, but I feel like watching someone else being pregnant with our child is just . . . different to one of us.”  
“Are you saying you don’t want to be gay and you wish you weren’t? If that’s the case we need to put this conversation on hold and have it later.”  
“Ok. We’ll talk later.” Phil said.  
****  
“So what is this whole business? You can’t just not be gay anymore.” Dan said once they got to their car. “And in the grander scheme of things, the womb that the kid develops in doesn’t really matter.” Phil shrugged.  
“You’re right. It doesn't matter. It shouldn’t matter.” Phil shook his head. “But something about it really bothers me. I do want kids someday. And I want them with you. I don’t want to raise kids with anyone else. You are the love of my life and I want you to be the other father of my children. I don’t know what my problem is.”  
“I don’t either. And I don’t know what we can do to solve this problem,” Dan said. “Do you need therapy or is it something we can figure out on our own?” Phil sighed.  
“I really don’t know.” Phil said. “I just,” he paused. “I don’t know.”  
“Do you want a baby now and this whole this is more being jealous that they have kids rather than the fact of pregnancy?” Dan thought for a moment. “If that’s what it is, I think I’m ready for a baby too. I’ve wanted one forever so why not? We both have a pretty decent job and could probably afford one right now if we wanted to.” Dan started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, heading for their small house that wasn’t all that far away. Phil remained silently thoughtful through the ride, pondering what Dan had said. Maybe it was more out of him wanting a kid rather than the pregnancy.  
Dan pulled into the driveway and they both went inside, Phil still thinking over Dan’s question. He honestly had no idea. Dan allowed him his space because it was a really big thought. It might even take a few days for him to come to a good answer. If Phil said yes, they’d probably start looking into what they would want, adoption or surrogacy. That is a big deal and the start of a long process. The process of becoming parents. Becoming responsible for another human being’s life 24/7 for the rest of your life. That was quite terrifying.  
A few hours later, as they were getting ready for bed. Dan had already claimed his side of the bed and had the blankets all wrapped up around his legs.  
“What do you want to watch tonight?” Dan asked. Phil shook his head.  
“I think we have a conversation to have,” he said. Dan shrugged and turned off the TV. Clearly, Phil had somehow already decided what he wanted.  
“Alright. What’s up?” Dan asked, being obvious about the fact that he knew exactly where this was going.  
“I think you were right about me wanting a kid rather than just the pregnancy.” Phil took a deep breath. “And I do think you were also right about now being a really good time for it. We’re both still fairly young. We do both have pretty decent jobs. We’ve moved into a house that is big enough for one or two more people. Hell, we work with kids every day so it’s not as if we would be totally unprepared for a child that comes into our life. Everything is shouting that we would be perfectly fine if a baby were to land in our laps right now.”  
“Ah yes. This conversation,” Dan said. “So, now comes how do we want to go about having said child. Obviously we don’t have to have that in mind right this second or even any time in the next year, but it is something to think about.” Phil nodded.  
“It is indeed. I don’t know about you, but I do want at least one biological child for myself. Not because biology is important, it’s not. But because I would be curious as to what they would turn out like. And that would also satisfy the whole pregnancy thing. I think.”  
“That works just fine with me,” Dan said. His heart stopped. He just realized what he had gotten himself into. He had, without thinking too hard about it, committed himself to becoming a dad. And very soon. As soon as they could get the surrogacy and whatever else needed to go with it figured out. They had, without too much hard thinking, unanimously decided that now was a good time to make that commitment.  
And he was ready for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hits and kudos mean the world to me. Comments fuel me into next week.   
> Find me on Tumblr @lesbaphannie


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